The magic of feeling “meh”

After the whirlwinds of the holiday season are swept away, I find fewer excuses to avoid writing. I call myself a writer, and there comes a time when I actually need to write. But the muse of January likes to doze and offers little help to rouse me from my warm bed.

There’s writing work to be done. Currently, I’m in the middle of revisions on a YA fantasy novel. And I’ve outlined a new MG book. But it’s dark and cold at 5:00 am. I can’t start anything without coffee. And I need to clean the house. And the dogs need a walk. My ambitions are lulled by solving the daily Wordle puzzle, cuddled up in my favorite chair. Hours pass. Maybe I’ll read instead.

It’s not physical. Unlike my friends, I’ve stayed healthy during the holidays. I’m not fighting a virus or recovering from the flu. However, I can’t escape the sluggish feeling I drag with me throughout the day. Not sick, but “meh.”

Part of the “meh” is waiting for decisions on my two books on submission. Full manuscripts were requested in November for both my YA and MG books. My agent assures me we could wait at least six months to hear anything. Or not get any response at all. After the excitement of signing with a literary agent and getting ready to send out my books, the process of being on submission is “meh.”

Followed by a lot of rush-rush if I’m lucky.

So here I am. Writing my blog instead of working on my book projects. Hopefully, my brain will kick into gear and I’ll have a productive writing day. But probably I won’t. Some words will find their way from my brain to my fingers to my laptop. Tomorrow I might read them and say, “Meh. I can do better.”

But somehow I press on, hoping something wonderful will get through. That’s my job after all. Writing down the words that must be written. Hoping to pull it all together into a book that will be published. Some future January, when I’m feeling “meh,” I can walk into a bookstore and sign copies of my book. The book I persisted to write even when I felt “meh.”

On being published, and how it changed my life

i-am-a-writer

Two years ago, I got sick and tired of my pathetic longing to publish my novel. My book project was only one year into the revised drafts, and I felt like time was running out. Let’s face it –I’m not getting any younger, and if I want to be a best-selling author I need to get my first one on the New York Times bestseller list. So I sent out an army of queries to any agent that represented my genre. My submission spreadsheet grew into several pages with polite rejection notes. The agent I met at a very expensive writer’s conference never responded to my query. I was desperate for a new approach.

My critique group was supportive and gave great feedback, but they were not professionals in the writing industry. I wasn’t going to improve my writing without higher standards. Should I go back to school? Seeking to improve my craft, I enrolled in a local university’s online creative writing program. What I expected was that my writing would be pulled apart, equipped with upgrades, and become the shiny sports car I needed to catch a literary agent’s eye. What I experienced was a barrage of articles about writing that I could have Google searched myself. The students provided feedback on each other’s assignments, although most were not qualified or bold enough to give more than vague compliments. Curiously absent were concrete suggestions from the teacher. Although it was great to have structure and deadlines for creating short pieces, I didn’t really learn anything new.

However I did enjoy discussing the art of writing with other people interested in pursuing a writer’s life. There had to be other writers out there like me that wanted to be taken seriously. So I searched the internet and found the California Writers Club. It was a state club with local branches, so I checked out the Inland Empire Branch. What an exciting moment when I walked into a room with thirty other writers, most full time professional ones, and listened to a presentation about marketing books on social media. These people were living the life I dreamed about! I joined the group, and the members have become some of my dearest encouragers.

One of the club’s suggestions was to set smaller goals along the way to my big goal of publishing my novel. For my WordPress blog, I include articles about riding with my husband in the HOGs (Harley Owners Group). I found a database called Duotrope where you can find submission information for all varieties of print and online magazines and contests. A new submission spreadsheet was begun, and within two months one of my articles, “Backroads to Pioneertown” was accepted into an international travel journal called Coldnoon Travel Diaries. There was no money award, but my work was validated. Buoyed with my success, I continued to submit articles and last month “The Almost Grand Canyon Trip” was published in the literary journal The Courtship of Winds.

            My blog caught the attention of our HOG chapter and I was asked to become the editor of their newsletter The Handlebar Star. My responsibilities include collecting and editing articles written by the club officers and adding my own touches.

Success with my nonfiction writing sparked my creativity toward my novel project. Instead of giving up, I asked for help from my social media audience. One of my Twitter followers agreed to become a beta reader for me, and sent me seven pages of notes and revision suggestions. I was surprised to discover that the roots of my story were still alive, and I am weeding out unneeded sentences and watering my characters. I am learning to persevere in editing, long past the point where I’m in love with any of my sentences.

What began two years ago as a desperate search for help has shown some small victories. I’m not giving up on writing courses yet, although I will do more research on the best programs. Joining a professional writers group has given me a supportive family that helped me discover opportunities I never would have found on my own. And becoming an editor has reinforced the basics that I need to practice.

And so I start this year as a published writer. Did it change my life as I thought it would? Absolutely. Criticism and encouragement have sharpened my writing sensibility and I’m ready to do the work necessary to perfect my writing style. Today I’m even more dedicated to improving my writing and finding new ways to get my stories out to readers.

Friends

beach

Your friendship starts small. You dip your toe in and cringe. “Too cold!”

Disappointed, she pulls away, giving you time to adjust. After a while, she creeps up again, this time with lacy froth.

Your feet stay in. “It’s not that bad.”

You follow after your new friend as she leaves again. Roaring with laughter, she hugs you tight, almost knocking you off your feet.

“Too much!” you complain, and this time she wrestles you down to the sand. Gasping for breath, you’ve had enough, and you turn away. Gently she holds you, pulling you toward her as your feet sink in the soft sand. Wave after wave, she tries to convince you to come back and play with her.

But you’re finished. It’s time to get out of the ocean and relax in your beach chair. Time to read about other friends’ lives.

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